He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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