yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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