Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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