Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
