we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
