I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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