Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
