maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
