Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
