sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
