Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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