no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
