Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
