can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
