she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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