Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
