Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize