i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So many bounce houses so little time
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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