I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
