i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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