5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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