I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
