mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
