Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
