2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
