College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I smell stomach acid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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