I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
