Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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