dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
