Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
