A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
