I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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