look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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