I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize