Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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