I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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