I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
