you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
