Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
