I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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