Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
