I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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