Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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