guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
