smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
