I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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