i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
