I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
