whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
