Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
