I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
