so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize