my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
