My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
