Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
