you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
two words...techno handjob
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
