what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
