He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
