Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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