i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
