You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
