I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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