just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
