So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
