Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
someone get that fucking seahorse.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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