If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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