pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize