Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His nipple licking is glorious
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