I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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