Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
