im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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