Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
