ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
