Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
