Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
