P.S. I can't hear my feet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize