I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
