Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
