its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
