sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
