I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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