I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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